mosquito

 

10pm: Lights off.

 

10.02pm: Lights on. Boyfriend convinced I’m using “his” pillow.

 

10.05pm: Lights off.

 

10.08pm: Lights on. I’m convinced we forgot to lock front door and evil person will sneak in and steal Felix. Boyfriend begrudgingly checks.

 

10.10pm: Door was indeed locked. Lights off.

 

10.20pm: “BSSSSSSSZZZZZZZZZZZPP”

 

Mosquito.

 

Both out of bed like a shot, lights on, books in hands ready to thwack.

 

10.25-10.50pm: Increasingly agitated mosquito hunt to the backdrop of me blaming boyfriend for leaving windows open too much.

 

10.55pm. BAM. Got it with a flip flop.

 

10.06pm: Far more convivial conversation comparing noisy English mosquitoes with the seemingly quieter but more vampire-esque ones found in warmer climes.

 

11.07pm: What IS the ecological point of the mosquito?

 

11.10pm: Google “what is point of mosquitoes?”

 

11.13pm: Answer appears to be none whatsoever. Weird.

 

11.25pm: Oh for god’s sake why are we now both on Facebook??

 

11.30pm Lights out.

 

11.45: Felix: “waaaaaah!!!”

 

11.50: Both pretend to be asleep in the hope other person gets up.

 

11.55: “waaaaaaaaaaahh!”

 

12am: “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!”

 

12.01am: I get up. Loudly.

 

12.05am: Scrabble around floor in dark trying to locate just one of the five billion dummies I’ve bought over the last year.

 

12.21am: Dummy in. Baby silenced. Good.

 

12.22-2am Wailing child intermittently pacified by two increasingly despairing parents.

 

2am: In a highly naive move, take him into our bed.

 

2.05am: Felix giggling with delight as he smacks us alternately in the head.

 

2.10am: Felix wailing loudly as we pin him down between us.

 

2.15am: Felix giggling with delight as he smacks us alternately in the head.

 

2.20am: Felix back in cot.

 

2.45am: Fill Felix so full of milk he finally passes out.

 

3am: Am WIDE awake. Can hear faint thuddings of a party a couple of houses away.

 

3.10am: Is boyfriend asleep?? He can’t be.

 

3.11am: He IS! How do people DO that??

 

3.15am: Sigh loudly and wriggle enough so the mattress bounces him up and down a bit.

 

3.20am: Nothing.

 

3.21am: Whisper “are you awake?”

 

3.22am: Nothing.

 

3.25am: Louder whisper: “I can’t sleep!

 

“mmmm??”

 

“I can’t sleep. Can you?”

 

Silence.

 

3.40am: “They’re having a party. It’s reeeeally loud.”

 

Get told to either shut up or go and join fucking party.

 

3.45am: I COULD go and join the party. Could probably just walk in. I’ve got half a bottle of Prosecco in the fridge.

 

4am: They’re playing Basement Jax.

 

4.10am: I bet they’re all smoking. I miss smoking.

 

4.15am: Now playing Underworld – Born Slippy

 

4.16am: You know what. I’m gonna get a cherry flavoured e cigarette!

 

4.17am: “Shoutin larga larga larga…”

 

4.25am: Actually feeling quite sleepy now.

 

5am: Felix: “Waaaaaaaahhh!”

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