• Raisins my son shoved up his nose – 7

 

  • Raisins I’ve retrieved from son’s nose – 6. Worrying.

 

  • iPhones boyfriend accidentally put through the wash – 1

 

  • Times I’ve left the room to hide amusement at iPhone being put through wash – 4

 

  • Gold sequinned hot pants impulse bought on eBay – 1 pair

 

  • Black sequinned hot pants impulse bought on eBay – 1 pair

 

  • Occasions I can think of in future where it is going to be even remotely suitable for me to wear sequinned hot pants – 0

 

  • Times Felix has bellowed “DOG!” in an alarmed stranger’s face – 6

 

  • Spiders a pitying neighbour has removed from my bathroom – 1

 

  • Times I whimpered pathetically while neighbour casually removed huge monster spider from bathroom – 63

 

  • Everyday objects Felix somehow managed to transform into violent tools of self harm – 15 

     

    (not including 3 very determined attempts to pull off his own willy)

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