• Hours of sleep I got last night – 3

 

  • Bruises on head from head butting cot while scrabbling around for sodding dummies in the sodding dark – 4

 

  • Times boyfriend definitely pretended to be asleep during full-volume wailing child – 7

 

  • Glasses of wine I really, really wish I hadn’t drunk earlier in evening – 5

 

  • Organic naturally sweetened toddler-friendly mini gingerbread men eaten for breakfast to curb exhaustion/hangover – 9

 

  • Ears on my child that are infected – 2

 

  • Times nurse definitely implied he really should have seen a doctor a few days ago – 4

 

  • Times I imagined karate chopping nurse in nose – 7

 

  • Full on tantrums Felix threw whenever I tried to take his temperature this morning – 5

 

  • Signs of even the slightest objection to the nurse taking his temperature – 0

 

  • Minutes he screamed for after realising he was only allowed one spoonful of the banana flavoured antibiotics – 25

 

  • Minutes I did the conga down the hallway for after putting him to bed at 7pm this evening – 3

 

  • Glasses of wine I’d drunk by 8pm – 4
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