• Minutes spent cleaning mould from the inside of a rubber duck – 42

 

  • Metres my child can effortlessly lob a spoonful of tomato-coated pasta – 2

(Closer to 2.5 if there’s an actual target such as handbag/white cardigan/me)

 

  • Amount of alcohol it takes to ensure I feel utterly, utterly hideous – 1 bottle of Prosecco & 3 cocktails

 

  • Days that hangovers of any significance now last for – 3

 

  • Packets of crisps consumed in one focused hangover-busting binge – 8

(4 x Ready Salted Walkers, 2 x Flame Grilled McCoys, 2 x Skips. Pleasing effort, however first year uni record of  15 packets of Wotsits during Home&Away/Neighbours hour remains untouched.)

 

  • Pounds Costa at the services charge for two highly average biscuits – 2.95

(Who spends three quid on two small biscuits?? WHO?!)

 

  • Minutes spent trying to get the Christmas tree to stand up straight – 65

 

  • Minutes spent unravelling Christmas tree lights – 115

 

  • Times Christmas was very very nearly cancelled during the 115 minutes of light unravelling – 4

 

  • Baubles Felix has removed from the Christmas tree and proceeded to hide in shoes, dishwasher, toilet etc – 18

 

  • Attempts Felix has made to scale the Christmas tree – 8

 

  • Attempts Felix has made to get inside the Christmas tree – 6

 

  • Christmas-tree-related tantrums that have occurred in our house since Wednesday – 24

(Felix – 19; Me – 5)

 

  • Pine needles sitting lifelessly at the foot of our increasingly bald Christmas tree – 700 (ish)
Advertisements