Felix.jpg

 

My day…

 

6am: I’m awake.

 

I’M AWAKE! WOOHOO!

 

Hold on. I’m alone.

 

I’M ALONE!

 

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

 

Oh hey Mummy.

 

Jeez you look knackered. You should try getting more sleep.

 

Hey – remember that time in the night, when you were crawling around my bedroom floor at 4am looking for my dummy, but I had it all along and then I hit you in the head with it?! Wasn’t that HILARIOUS!

 

Hold on, where are you taking me?

 

Wait, we can’t leave my room – I’ve not pulled all my trousers out of the drawer or tipped over the nappy bin yet! No!

 

“NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

 

Oh yeah, breakfast. Actually, funny you mention it because I. Am. Starving.

 

Seriously, hurry up because if I don’t eat right now I THINK I’M GONNA DIE!

 

“Bweakfast bweakfast BWEAKFAAAAAAAST WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…”

 

Oh. Weetabix.

 

Actually, I’m good thanks. I’ll just chuck it on the floor and chew on my pyjama sleeve.

 

8am: Gimme the purple crayon. Gimme.. me… GIVE IT TO ME

 

“NO CWAYON MUMMEEEE!”

 

Look. I draw, you watch? OK? Sit there, and watch me draw CIRCLES!.

 

I LOVE CIRCLES!

 

“Shircles!”

 

No, don’t LEAVE ME.

 

Sit.

 

SIT.

 

“MUMMY SHIT”

 

Why are you laughing?

 

Oh great she’s looking at that small rectangular thing again.

 

That is NOT watching me. I’m not exercising my artistic genius if you’re not WATCHING.

 

Well while I’m waiting I’ll just practise on the floor.

 

Ha, back in the room now aren’t you Mummy.

 

10am: Snack time!

 

Raisins! WOOOOHOOO!

 

What the… THESE AREN’T RAISINS

 

*chuck all over the floor in disgust*

 

Oh hold on.

 

*eat one*

 

They are raisins.

 

Soz. My bad.

 

Can I have some more please – that last lot are all over the floor.

 

Seriously, I know there are more.

 

“MORE RAY RAY! MORE MORE MORE RAY RAY! RAY RAY MORE RAY RAY! MORE MORE MORE RAY RAY MORE…”

 

Finally.

 

3pm: *Knock at the door*

 

“Daddy!”

 

No wait, that’s not Daddy.

 

TINA! It’s Tina from next door!

 

ohmygod. She. Is. Hilarious.

 

“Tina Tina Tina Tina Tiiiiinaaaaaa!!!!”

 

She’s put my teddy on her HEAD!

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

But where’s she going?? No not “bubye” no no no no NO!

 

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…”

 

20 minutes later…

 

Phew! Think I just beat my all time best at wailing without taking breath! Ha! Can’t for the life of me remember why though.

 

Ah mummy looks tired. Bet she’d like a dummy.

 

Hmmm I don’t have a dummy. But my shoe will do nicely.

 

Here you go Mummy. No in your mouth. No, mouth. Just suck the shoe – honestly, trust me on this one.

 

No????? Fine. Suit yourself. I’ll just chew it then.

 

4.30pm: Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his…

 

He’s SO great. He’s even got a cat! I love cats! HAHAHAHA! aaaah. Pat.

 

Bored now.

 

Ooh crayon!

 

I’ll just practise some circles on this bit of white wall while I wait for Mummy to finish making my tea.

 

She’s cooking salmon again. Ha. Not a chance love.

 

6.30pm: Sheeeesh I am TIRED.

 

Daddy is reading stories in HILARIOUS voices while mummy cleans the wall so I can draw more circles on it again tomorrow.

 

Quite need a poo, but think I’ll wait until I’m tucked up in bed so it takes Daddy ages to sort it out and then really wakes me up in the process.

 

7.15pm:

“POO POO! POO POO! POO POO!”

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